When Does The Circle End?

I really hate how much money is a big determinant of how well we could live and it covers all factors. From clothing, to accommodation, to food, travel, accessories and even the menial things you can think of. For a second, think about what you could do if you didn’t have this restraint hanging around your neck. Personally, I know I’d go to film school in the UK, I’d produce my own movies and buy everything that I truly need. I am fully aware of the possibilities that would unlock for me right now if I had money.

Sigh.

It sucks to realize that we’ve all been living in poverty, and it isn’t even about the inflation in our country anymore but how much struggle our parents had to go through to give us the best. I’m honestly sick and tired of having to worry about where my next bag would come from. How can I afford this trip? I need this bag, but wait, is it really a priority? It is sickening that I have to curtail my needs for things and attach them to ‘not being useful’ when truly it is.

At the moment I am having a grave anxiety because I’m broke and not sure how to go about it. I’ve had to breakdown at different times of the day today. Does it make me feel better? Maybe. Did it provide the money I needed? No.

But do you want to know what pisses me off the most? It’s the fact that this journey could never end. I mean even Dangote is still oppressing us, despite being the richest black man on earth. So yes, the chase for money is an unending circle. 

And I realize that it isn’t about spending less anymore, but about earning more. However, with the scarcity of jobs and opportunities, how are we supposed to achieve this for ourselves? How do we break the circle? Maybe not to an exaggerated part but to an extent where we’re comfortable enough to make decisions without money being the deterring factor. 

Want to go to Italy? Go!

Want to have a bucket full of chicken for dinner? Do it!

Want to migrate to Canada? Let’s all fucking go!!!

This is what the fuck I want and I’m honestly tired of pretending like my heart doesn’t ache every morning that I check my account. I deserve millions ffs!

My family deserves a happy ending

I deserve to live without worry or a target on my back

I deserve to wake up and not feel panic cause I got a text. I deserve allll the money.

And I wish I didn’t have to worry about it so much, cause it really sucks.