15 Jun Dear Mr Z,

I recently made a new friend and I feel it’s been a real beautiful experience to watch him get to know me. It feels like the more I open myself to him,the more I see/understand myself too…so it’s a learning stage for both of us. I also feel like since I told myself that I would be different,especially in the dealings of Men;I have found myself walking and talking that talk. You know its true what they say;you set the blueprint on how you’re treated(most especially by Men) and honestly I’m loving my view from these lenses.

Discussions between Z and I tends to touch every area and since he’s of a certain age(29) there’s a little bit of discomfort on my path. For the record,I love me some older guys and 29 isn’t even old for me(my limit I’ll say is 33-35),so my reason for saying  that he’s of a ‘certain age’ is because he comes off really respectful and reasonable than the other 29 year olds I’ve normally spoken to(those kinds that want to reclaim their early twenties by having the same attitude,outlook and narrative a 23 year old boy would). I mean it goes without saying that maturity doesn’t come with age and as I was saying I love that Z is a little different. I digress however,my major discomfort in talking to Z is his presumption that I and every other person in their early 20s have it extremely easy. He steady speaks on how he wishes he was my age so he wouldn’t have any troubles hence life would be easy(Apologies,I tried inserting a voice note from him saying these things but the format isn’t supported,so I would go ahead posting my response to said voice note).

“So it’s really flattering that you feel it’s easy to talk to me and also forget your worries. At the same time I need to clear some things up.

I have problems,you probably think that it doesn’t compare to yours because of age or ‘set’ as you said but that’s wrong,And it is maybe a fair thought to you but it is still wrong.

I have told you severally that I wouldn’t tell you about my struggles and if you’re thinking that I do not have any? you’ve played yourself.

I do not want to say that I am not happy,but I also feel like I should, just in the context it was raised.
Having pressures from your peers during conversations/chat is pretty much expected because those are the closest to you and of course in your circle.
I have a friend that knows everything about what I’m going through and trying to overcome and likewise me to her,but that doesn’t/shouldn’t make it inferior because you’re unaware of it. I hope you understand my point.

I mean I take the compliment of easing your worries,I just think its a little insulting for you to keep insinuating that I have it easier because of age.
Which is absolutely not the case my friend.

I am sad.
I get depressed(maybe)
I’m barely speaking to anyone. I’m embarrassed of myself. I am extremely lonely,broke and confused with what exactly I’m doing or what I want to do with my life.
All these I just mentioned are only my emotions and deep thoughts of course,so imagine me using the exact details of what’s going on in my life. it is overwhelming for me to think about,talk more of being vulnerable enough to share that part of myself. Like I always say,in as much as we’re all in deep shii,it is really a blessing to have some people in our peers going through the same struggles and although talking about our troubles could feel a lot like pressure or a downer at times…I am just glad I have someone I can be true to.”

So that’s it 😂, it got a little intense for me as I typed but I decided to go through with it because it points out to a particular writeup I have been trying to finish or perfect titled ‘Growing Up 20s’. I feel like those of the older generations look down/underestimate our troubles by saying that we have it easy(but this isnt for this post;maybe a snippet yea?😂). I also thought to share it here with you guys because I feel like my writing/work serves as a company to some. I’d put a pin on it at this point(it’s gone way longer than I intended).

As usual its peace and love from me always. Stay learning and growing folks.