03 May This Is For You If You Plan On Having Sex After Lockdown

Probably the most reported topic since its inception and I personally stayed clear from talking about it so much(most especially on my blog) because of how sad it makes me.

COVID-19 has done a lot of harm and for the very first time in a long time, everyone around the would is affected by one thing;we all feel it in some way. Most countries affected by the virus have been placed on a mandatory lockdown for over a month and Nigeria being one of it announced that the lockdown would be lifted on the 4th of May(which starts this week).

I like to think that most of us were saddened by this news but much to my surprise a lot of people were more excited about having sex; how predictable right?

Well, even though it is a sad reality of events…I wouldn’t negate the fact that I would also love to get some during these times but I cannot. So I decided to put together a little precautionary  list for all my naughty nasty readers as a reminder of what to expect or not to expect…but most importantly how to get your freak on safely after the lockdown is called off.

 

SANITIZE PROPERLY

I mean this really should go without saying right? But you would be surprised. As horny rabbits,our heads seem to forget the basic essentials of living. So please, shower before leaving the house,shower when you get to your destination and shower right after the act(apply your sanitizer after each event).

 

PRIVATE CAR-PRIVATE CAR HAILING APPS IS YOUR BEST FRIEND

Hear me out,this isn’t the time to argue that ‘people who use uber/taxify are forming’ cool it. The virus is spreading rapidly and jumping a bus from Berger to Ajah isn’t a smart move, so get yourself a ride or you might as well get servicing within your neighborhood.

 

HAVE SOME CHANGE

Yes the lockdown was lifted. Yes we heard Buhari say it on live tv or was it recorded or tweeted before?…It doesn’t matter. What matters is money and you using it to protect yourself at all times. With that said, go change up you N1000 to N200 notes because you may need it to pass a hurdle or two with policemen/roadblocks.

 

CURFEW STARTS AT 8PM

Note to the wise, you don’t want to be caught unfresh.

 

USE PROTECTION(You do not want a quarantine baby)

If you’re going to leave your home just to get it on, you might as well do something right. Condoms! Condoms!! Condoms!! And there are other forms of contraceptives, just please have safe sex

What to have in your sleepover bag(for my ladies):

• Pant liners
• Toothbrush
• Sanitizer
• Face mask
• Cash!!!
• Friend on speed dial
• Perfume

What to have in your sleepover bag(for my boys):

• Toothbrush
• Sanitizer
• Face mask
• Cash!!!
• Perfume

FYI: This isn’t a time to meet new people. ALL blind dates are on hold till further notice.

In all sincerity I would appreciate it if you could hold it in your pants for a little longer but who am I kidding so please practice all the safety guidelines as given by NCDC and other professional health experts…and see you in December.

 

Choi!