Love-The level I now understand it
By GoldI used to beat myself up so much because I wasn’t getting the kind of love and attention I had towards someone.
It used to make me feel so bad/low because I wanted said person to love me exactly the way I do or did. As a result of this I avoided him for such a long time in the attempt to regain my sanity.
The craziest part about this long break was never did I actually feel better than before;it was a front. I then got in a relationship which seemed to have helped for a short while but I also found myself thinking about my lost love more frequently,so comparing these two guys became a tradition.
I realized that I was more broken without him as opposed to having him in my life and I’ll tell you how.
My thoughts about him tripled and it felt like I was drowning in my own thought of love/happiness,so I reached out. I came across a post on social media that I have had saved on my phone ever since then because I see it as my mantra and reminder of how my love should be.
I guess you could say that I wasn’t so sure of what or how to love someone without them accepting me or reciprocating my love especially by having a relationship.
This post made me realise that my attitude/view towards love was childish and entitled. And it simply read ‘Understand that relationship is not love and while you cannot have a relationship with that person,it doesn’t change the fact that the love you have is there’ and ‘Part of protecting yourself is ensuring your continued access to the love in your heart’.
These words to me couldn’t have resonated any deeper and so I want you to know that loving someone is beautiful but it should also be free. No one is obliged to love or care about you at the same rate you put out. You have got to understand that what you feel/love belongs to you and no one could take that away.
I tell you I love you,doesn’t/shouldn’t mean that I want you to say it back or love me back. If you love me back-fine but living with unrequited love os what I’ve learnt to do recently and I’m so proud of myself. Let’s keep loving.
Gold Gerry
