I think I like Girls

Its a few minutes past 1am on this side of the world,I just finished washing some clothes,spread them out,had my bath and now I am laying back flat on my bed still trying to figure out how and why I should make this a post.

While sorting out laundry, I was thinking and since its 1am…it seems to be the right time to do so-think. I was thinking about the audition I had on Monday,what I need to do to improve my career,how to get some money…like I am deep in these thoughts but also in a little corner is the thought of my new lady friend who I may be growing fond of. Why am I thinking about Fall? Gold what is wrong with you?,I keep asking myself and then I remember the last conversation I had with her;telling her that she should please stop calling and texting me at the rate she does just cause I maybe do not want to disappiont her and I also cannot believe that I do not find it so weird to get this much attention from a female. I tell her to avoid me but I know I don’t mean that…I do not want it to stop.

I think I had my first crush in my Primary 2,my siblings and I recently changed to a new school. His name was Chibuike,he was my brothers seat mate/friend and I remember thinking that he’s the most beautiful boy I had ever seen. I also did not know it was a crush,just knew I felt so shy around him(the thought of him even made me shy)can you believe that?😂. For most of my formative years,I have always been attracted to guys up till now. Well,maybe earlier this year…I discovered I had a crush on a girl at work and looked forward to seeing her everyday. I really did not mind dating her because I had played several scenarios of it in my mind and so it was perfect,oh well she has become one of my closest buddies and I assure you those feelings aren’t close to dead.

Frankly,I do not know what to say or if at all I am making any sense and I do not want to think it is a phase. I did quite a reading about sexuality/sexual orientation yesterday and I realized that attraction to a gender/person isn’t just physical but emotional and sexual too. Though I have to be honest,I’m attracted to some ladies physically and emotionally that it may get sexual at a point but I fear the act,considering that I have only been with guys in the past. I know,I am getting ahead of myself at this point but its just a thought.😂🤔

Oh well,I am pretty certain that I am attracted to girls almost at the same rate I do for boys but since I am still understanding my feelings,I want to slow the process of actually sticking to a particular sexual orientation or maybe identifying with a group but be sure that I’ll take you on this journey with me. I am excited and nervous about this part of me and I hope to still be open to discuss and tell you more about it.

Till then…much love!!💓💓